If corruption at the FBI received as much media attention as swollen testicles we might have a chance to fix things.
Real government corruption – not the make-believer Russia election stuff - never gets the news coverage it deserves. Perhaps that’s because it is so common as to make it not newsworthy.
Swollen testicles aren’t all that common, which makes them news.
So the story about the tender testicles hit the media last week. Our guess, and we would have to consult a physician to be certain, but this would not be the first time someone was bothered by troubled testicles.
But this IS the first time it made national news. That’s because the story originated with a celebrity.
While this doesn’t say much for the state of media today, the fact is celebrities make news because well – they’re celebrities and reporters are well - that caliber.
We don’t want to get too far off track here, but how many times have we been lectured about climate change from movie stars and singers? Typically, this happens shortly after they disembark a private jet.
Or, along the same lines, we all know of Greta Thunberg, that odd, forever-angry teen from Sweden who lectures incessantly about climate.
But none of us can name one real, bona-fide, qualified climate scientist who says the facts do not support the C02 climate change theory and spending billions and billions on an imaginary problem is insane. Yet hundreds say so, but nobody listens.
In the media, when it comes to celebrity vs. substance – celebrity always wins.
And last week’s celebrity was Nicki Minaj.
For the less-enlightened, Miss Minaj is a rapper and apparently, she is quite good at rapping – although how one discerns ‘good’ rap from ‘not-so-good’ rap escapes us.
The point here is Miss Minaj is quite famous.
And last week she got even more famous. It came per the usual manner, which is to say via Twitter. Miss Minaj said people should do their own research before getting a Covid vaccine because a friend of a cousin got it and his testicles swelled, which really screwed up his wedding plans.
This caused all sorts of calamity and received massive media coverage. It didn’t take long for health officials where the friend of the cousin lives, to respond. They said the story was not true. While they did not dispute there was a friend of a cousin, they assured us his testicles were just fine.
Whew. Problem solved. Within hours.
What is not fine is the Federal Bureau of Investigation.
There may be a more corrupt agency within the federal government, but after last week’s testimony from former Olympic gymnasts, it doesn’t seem possible.
The litany of FBI corruption is lengthy. Much of it exposed during the Trump Administration. The problem is news about FBI corruption came out slowly, over years, in drips and drabs.
The product of all this is that after all these years, with the myriad of players with their assortment of government titles, the rest of us can’t keep track of who lied, when and how often. So it’s hard to grasp the level of corruption at the FBI.
But everyone understands child rape – and after last week’s hearing – the FBI’s indifference to it.
So we all know the horrid story of the team doctor who raped young gymnasts for years. What most of us did not realize is how the FBI – after the rapes were reported – ignored the abuse.
Even after interviewing a victim, the FBI did not investigate. Whether that happened because of the head of that FBI field office was trying to get a job with Olympic Committee is uncertain.
(And yes, you read that right. The guy in charge of the office that ignored the sexual abuse was trying to join the same gravy train as the people too busy to notice hundreds of sexual assaults.)
One of the victims said an investigation is needed to determine the relationship between the FBI, USA Gymnastics and U.S. Olympics and Paralympic Committee groups. She questioned if the rapes were covered-up to protect sponsorships and protect Olympics officials from criminal charges.
Oh yeah, and when the evil was revealed, the FBI (Motto: Fidelity, Bravery, Integrity) lied about what happened.
Here’s what should happen: We need to connect some electrodes and determine, once and for all, just how much testicles do swell before they explode.
As with any reputable research project, it will take several tests to verify results. Fortunately, the FBI seems to have plenty of candidates worthy of the procedure.
DAN HAMMES is the former publisher of the Gazette Record.