It’s a long, long way from Hollywood to the Caribbean but just never you mind.
Besides, he ate his spinach.
If you want to accuse us of bottom fishing, you’re right. Call it a slow week. Call it a lack of imagination. Whatever you call it, rest assured that when the well is dry, we look to the Celebrity Hypocrite Circuit for column fodder.
So last week the people better than you and me, also called Hollywood stars, gathered at a fancy hotel for dinner. As is their habit at these glitzy affairs, they gave each other awards. This particular event is known as the Golden Globes.
And from all accounts, it was a grand affair. Not so much because of the usual blather from the Hollywood-types but because of the monologue by Ricky Gervais the host for the evening.
Mr. Gervais is a British comedian. That’s good and bad.
It’s good because that means he has a sense of humor. He used that humor to skewer the audience for their oozing hypocrisy. If you haven’t seen his monologue, check it out. He was very good.
It’s bad because his monologue ended. That’s when the Hollywood-types started preaching about politics and the environment.
It’s what they do.
As part of his effort to fight climate-global-warming-change one the biggest stars in Hollywood promised to wear just one tuxedo to all the Hollywood award shows this year.
Seriously. No joke. This guy really, really cares about the planet. Imagine only having one tuxedo. He is so much better than you.
(No information was available on how many houses and cars he owns.)
There was similar drivel spouted throughout the night. But one item seems especially newsworthy. And since you spent your hard-earned money on this newspaper – and please do it again soon – it is our duty to bring you this information.
The Hollywood crowd is so woke – so much better than the rest of us – the meal served at this glitzy affair was 100 percent meatless. It was all part of the hard work by these Hollywood-types to save the planet.
Imagine the sacrifice. An entire room, filled with superstar carnivores, and not a sliver of beef anywhere.
Now some people (you might call them ‘normal people’) might scoff at the temporary vegetarians and their suffering. But at least one person understood the importance of the meatless meal.
No introduction needed here. Leonardo is a superstar among superstars. You know him as one of the biggest Hollywood stars ever. What you may not know is that in addition to being a really big deal, he is an immensely deep thinker – a deep thinker who is dedicated to combatting change-global-climate-warming.
It was one of his many deep thoughts that prompted Leonardo to commend his fellow stars for their commitment – no matter how brief – to forgo beef.
“The food we eat, the way we grow the food we eat, the way we dispose of the food is one of the large contributors to the climate crisis,” he wrote on Twitter.
Another thing you may not know about Leonardo is that he is a hero. And we’re not talking just another actor from the endless parade of superhero movies.
We’re talking a real-life hero.
A couple days before his meat-free dinner in Los Angeles, Leonardo saved a man from drowning. Really. This happened.
It seems the man fell off a cruise ship in the Caribbean. Hey, after a couple beers, that can happen. The problem is nobody noticed that he fell into the water and everyone on the ship merrily cruised along.
But eventually they did notice so they radioed for help. They asked any boats in the vicinity of Saba Island, which is near St. Martin, to please be on the lookout for a guy swimming alone.
And that’s how Leonardo, our intrepid climate-global-change-warm warrior, became a hero. It seems he was on a yacht in the Caribbean – just days before being in Los Angeles – and they saved the guy who had been treading water for 11 hours.
It’s great the guy was saved. But the story does raise a question or two.
Perhaps, just perhaps, Leonardo hitchhiked from the Caribbean to Los Angeles and arrived just in time to enjoy his meat-less dinner. And maybe, just maybe, he cruised the Caribbean on a battery-operated yacht.
But given Leonardo’s habit of flitting about the world on private jets, we’re not convinced. If he did arrive at the meat-free, environmentally-blessed dinner after burning an ocean of jet fuel to travel 3,500 miles following his cruise aboard a diesel-powered yacht – some might question his commitment to the cause.
But who are we to judge his warming-global-change climate bona fides?
He did, after all, eat his spinach.
DAN HAMMES is publisher of the Gazette Record.