You know you’re cool when your cool-down attracts the Twitter crowd.
But as Chris Pratt learned, being cool isn’t always easy. He did fix things by groveling to the global-change-climate-warming horde.
For those of us not so hip, Chris Pratt is a famous actor. He is a superhero in a Guardian of the Galaxy movies, which is one of the myriad of never-ending superhero movies of late.
As with most celebrity-types, Mr. Chris has a Twitter account, which he uses to keep the world informed about his latest meal, most recent bath, supermarket visits and other things of deep meaning in his life.
Well, actually, we kinda’ made that up. We don’t know for certain everything Mr. Chris puts on Twitter. We are certain, however, that Mr. Chris recently posted a photo of himself at the gym.
At this point rational people may be confused. They may wonder what exactly makes Mr. Chris think anyone wants to look at a picture of him after a workout. Well this is a rare instance when the money you squandered for this newspaper was well spent. We have the answer.
It’s about marketing. Mr. Chris figures that if some director sees a photo at the gym he will call with a movie role. Either that or he likes to see pictures of himself.
In fact, his marketing savvy has inspired us to launch a Twitter campaign. Instead of a workout picture, which could involve perspiration, watch for our photo pushing back from the dinner table. If that isn’t reason for you to renew your subscription it would confirm Twitter really is simply a morass of poor taste and stellar stupidity.
But Mr. Chris bungled it with his look-at-me-I-am-at-the-gym snap. It was the plastic bottle. It should come as no surprise, given it was a water bottle, Aquaman instantly recognized his transgression.
Hipsters know Aquaman as Jason Mamoa. Aquaman is a movie about, well, Aquaman. Hopefully the sequel arrives soon. But Mr. Jason is more than just a famous movie star.
He is also a good friend.
That is why he alerted his fellow superhero, Mr. Jason, to his horrible, no-good, rotten behavior – behavior that in Hollywood could ruin a career.
Mr. Jason called-out Mr. Chris for holding a single-serve plastic bottle. He explained to his colleague that to ensure the safety of the Earth he should only use reusable water bottles. Otherwise, Mr. Jason explained, we will all die from plastic poisoning.
Mr. Chris is one actor who knows his audience. He immediately smothered his friend with mea-culpas. He apologized for the single-use plastic bottle. What’s more, he explained that he usually packs a five-gallon water jug instead of the single-serve plastic bottle and would never, ever do anything ever again to hurt the environment.
Seriously. He packs a five-gallon water jug.
That’s one way to combat thirst. Although it may be easier just to drink from a water fountain - tougher to shoot a Twitter photo maybe, but it does save on plastic.
Can you say height of hypocrisy?
We have two rich actors who are rich because they acted in superhero movies and now they lecture the rest of us about the evils of plastic. These deep-thinkers scold us that plastic is so evil that nobody can drink from a plastic water bottle – no matter how good it looks in a photo.
Never mind that one reason these rich actors got rich is because of all the toys sold as part of the superhero movie franchise.
Look for yourself. There are hundreds of variations of Guardians of the Galaxy and Aquaman plastic toys. Hundreds. And they cost plenty, which they have to because people who make these movies expect to be paid plenty.
Hey, artists gotta’ eat too.
So while these two Thought Leaders lecture the rest of us about the evils of a plastic bottle, they get wealthy from a franchise that spawns tons and tons of plastic toys.
Yup. You’re right. We’ve worn out the topic of warming-change-climate-global hypocrisy. It’s a weakness. Teeth just grate when the Better Class lectures on the topic.
But this is information that can help the next time you put a bare foot down on one of those miserable plastic toys. It may hurt – but not as much as the planet is suffering.
Aquaman said so.
DAN HAMMES is publisher of the Gazette Record.