It was a good enough game. Certainly the fourth quarter comeback was something to see. And even the most loyal San Francisco fans would agree that if any team other than theirs had to win the Super Bowl, it was nice that it is one coached by Andy Reid.
But this Super Bowl just leaves a bad taste.
Initially we blamed ourselves. That is, the revulsion was just the typical gag-reflex of a grumpy old man.
A grumpy old man with daughters and granddaughters.
But the question begs: What is Pepsi thinking?
I suppose that lady Shakira and her co-performer Jennifer Lopez are great singers. That must be why they were selected to perform at halftime. But given that, a second question begs.
If they’re such great singers why were they compelled to thrust about like strippers in front of a world-wide audience?
Yeah, that harsh.
And in fairness, it wasn’t just Shakira and Jennifer Lopez who were grinding about on the stage. The good people at Pepsi really, really want you to buy their soda. That’s why they packed the stage with a few dozen other women in the hopes the additional grinding and bonus thrusting would compel you to ditch Coke forever.
Yup, we get it. This sounds prudish.
But we aren’t the only ones. It was only minutes after the merciful end to the halftime show before someone posted that it wasn’t actually sponsored by Pepsi. It was sponsored by Pornhub.
So, yeah, we aren’t the only people who noticed.
First, a confession. We know nothing about dancing other than we do a bad job of it. Think an overweight robot with bad rheumatism. And we really, really hate it when we have to pretend to like it. So admittedly, we don’t know much about dancing. But this is what we saw:
Shakira started things off by wiggling, gyrating and thrusting about the stage with a full complement of other wiggly women. Perhaps she was singing her most famous song “Hips Don’t Lie” – seriously, that is the name of the song. If she was, then who are we to argue? Her hips – along with her twitching rump – honestly said raunchy.
After a fair dose of thrusting about by Shakira, it was almost as if Jennifer Lopez said hey –
And she took her turn at jiggling, shaking and other movements that left nothing to the imagination. In fact, it would require a fantastic imagination to find adjectives to describe her movements that would be fit to print in this space.
Now we’re old, but not blind.
If you gotta’ have women grinding and thrusting about in revealing outfits, then Shakira and Jennifer Lopez are pretty good choices. But at halftime of the Super Bowl? Paid for by Pepsi? Really? That’s where we do this stuff?
Even Pepsi must know that lots of young girls saw the show. And the message is this: “Hey girls, we are two really, really rich women. We are famous. We are stars. We have great voices. But we still feel compelled to dress down, gyrate around a stage, thrust our crotches at TV cameras because ..... well because .... (you fill in the blank and good luck with that.)
Do men singers have to do that to get work?
Perhaps it was only fitting then that about an hour later the Microsoft commercial aired. You may not remember that Microsoft had a commercial, which at $5 million a pop is a real shame. But you remember the message. It was the one about the woman coach for San Francisco.
And yes, it is true. They really do have a woman coach. Her name is Katie Sowers. And good for her. She is doing something she’s always wanted to do. And she is the first woman to ever coach in a Super Bowl. We are happy for her success.
As with most things from Big Tech these days (they are so much better than the rest of us) the commercial was a bit preachy. The message from Microsoft is that there should be no barriers for women.
Unless of course, you want to sing at halftime.
Then you better look damn good in a tight outfit, love the idea of millions of people seeing close ups of your bum, and be able to twerk like a banshee.
DAN HAMMES, who is blessed with two daughters and two granddaughters, is publisher of the Gazette Record.